


Despite of All Your Losing

by maraanan



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Fantasy AU, M/M, Shrek AU, fans who do thor/bruce but not thor/hulk r WEAK and will be WEEDED OUT by NATURAL SELECTION
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-08
Updated: 2018-06-08
Packaged: 2019-05-19 16:44:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14877536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maraanan/pseuds/maraanan
Summary: Fantasy AU. Suddenly in Sakaar, Prince Thor and Prince Loki are punished to find the strong green monster in a faraway tower. Said strong green monster is actually a cursed prince named Bruce, and is a pretty nice guy.(OR: a fic VERY loosely based on shrek.)





	Despite of All Your Losing

**Author's Note:**

> first of all thanks to @radicles-art, who drew [a very lovely piece](http://radicles-art.tumblr.com/post/174252509020/au-it-was-a-curious-curious-occurrence-you) that inspired me to write a fantasy au, which quickly turned into a shrek au.....sorry radicles, i love you. thank you too to ate lui, who was very supportive, your "I HATE YOU MARS" and "IM SO ANGRY KSKSKS" kept me going. lastly thank you to david bowie. nothing i just love his rockin music. LOVE N PEACE 2 U ALL MWAH!

Everything is Loki’s fault, of course.

“This is all your fault!” yelled Thor, except they were falling through a magic portal, so it sounded more like: “THIS IS AAALL YOUUUUR FAAAULT!”

Trinkets and things fell alongside them, from all times and all places. A harp, a toy doll, a strange metal box… thing. Thor’s head was spinning. Beside him, Loki was not faring much better. “Oh, go ahead, blame the victim!” he said.

“The _victim_ —“ said Thor. “All right, first of all—“

—And the two brother princes finally fell on solid ground.

“You were saying, brother?” drawled Loki, back flat and staring up at the sky. “Oh, god. My head is splitting.”

So was Thor’s, but he managed to get up easily. They were in a strange, strange colorful city that was unlike any of the kingdoms in Asgard’s empire. “Where are we?”

“Sakaar,” said Loki.

Thor tilted his head at him. “How did you know that?”

Loki pointed behind Thor. There was a large, wooden sign that read: WELCOME TO SAKAAR! HERE YOU ARE FOUND, HERE YOU ARE LOVED.

Beneath these words were vandalism: ORGY EVERY THURS NITE AT ZORBO’S DEN.

“This place is not very… tasteful,” said Thor.

“I have read about Sakaar, briefly,” said Loki. “We’re far, far away from Asgard. Basically it’s a, ah, trash dump.”

Thor, mildly disgusted, dusted off his fine royal clothing, particularly a banana peel from falling on the filthy ground. “So it is,” he said, and for the first time he noticed despite how chaotic Sakaar looked, it was unnervingly quiet. “Hey, where is everyone?” When even his brother did not answer, and seemed to have disappeared, he prompted, “Loki? Loki!”

“Over here!”

Thor followed his voice, turning the corner. He found Loki prodding at a closed-off booth labelled “Information”.

Loki hummed. “Usually an information booth would have a nice information damsel ready to inform, but it appears that even she is missing, along with the rest of the city, it seems.”

“I’m very confused right now,” said Thor. “This is very out of my comfort zone. Hold on, let me just get Mjolnir.” He held out his hand.

And waited. And waited.

“Just… wait for a couple more…” Thor threw his hand out again, more forcefully. “Mjolnir!”

“It must have gotten lost when we travelled through the magic portal,” said Loki.

Horror crept on Thor’s face. “No!”

“Oh well,” said Loki, patting his brother on the back. It was not very comforting. “Sometimes our things get lost. Oh, look, there’s a lever.”

Loki pulled on the lever beside the information booth, and immediately a cheerful tune played and the booth opened up to reveal an automated singing puppet show.

“You have travelled very far / To the City of Sakaar / Where the lost are found and unloved are loved and you can be who you really are! / Every week we watch / Battles of top-notch / Warriors unwillingly pit against each other by our beloved Grandmast-ar!—“

Thor punched through the booth, killing several puppets and forcing the happy little song to end.

“Hey, I was watching that,” said Loki.

“It was forcing its rhymes! What the hell is a ‘grandmast-ar’?” said Thor. “Mjolnir is lost and I can’t control my powers, we are stuck in an unknown land, and everything is weird! None of this would have happened if you just controlled yourself and refrained from pranking that poor magic troll! This is doing nothing for my nerves!”

“But the song was so catchy.”

Thor took in a very deep breath. “Brother, you are clearly making fun of me right now, and I wish for you to stop.”

Loki groaned. “Fine,” he said. “But I think I have an idea of where everyone is now.”

“Where?”

Loki pointed far above Thor’s head, far into the city, where the top of a large dome structure could be seen, various lights streaming out from its roof. “‘Battles of top-notch warriors unwillingly pit against each other’, brother?”

Thor sighed. “Seems about right.”

 

 

 

Twenty-three years ago, a young prince of Midgard was cursed by a witch.

Midgard had many princes and princesses, heirs of different areas of the kingdom; however being only a part of the imperial Asgardian empire their bloods were not the most powerful in the land. There was Prince Steve, known for his golden heart and golden pectorals. Prince Tony, who was known for his innovation and tight hose.

And then there was Prince Bruce.

Prince Bruce, brilliant as he was, was the most unfortunate of them all. At age seven, whilst reading on the advancement of magic in ye modern era, was visited by a mischievous witch. This witch booped him on the nose, gave him some cookies, then flicked her wand to curse Bruce into turning into a huge, green ogre every time his emotions ran too high. Cackling, the witch jumped out the window and onto her magic mop, and flew away.

(Later on it would be announced: “Hear ye, hear ye! Mischievous witch who cursed Prince Bruce quoted: ‘I just couldn’t help myself!’”)

After cursed by the witch, little Prince Bruce ran through the halls with tears streaming down his chubby childish cheeks. This, naturally, caused his emotions to soar, and as he stumbled through the castle he slowly turned bigger and greener, his footsteps heavied and cries rose in volume.

When he finally reached his disgusted father, he was immediately banished to a tower far, far away from everything that he has ever known, guarded by a fierceful and formidable fire-breathing dragon. His father’s only mercy was to provide the boy with a multitude of books, so at least he won’t be bored.

And thus Prince Bruce lived out his childhood, adolescence, and adulthood in isolation.

 

 

 

“I told you it was a bad idea.”

“Be quiet, Loki.”

“I’m just saying, it was a pretty bad idea.”

“Shh.”

“Two high princes in stocks isn’t exactly good PR, you know. Frankly, it’s quite humiliating.”

“Yes, Loki.” Thor gritted his teeth. “Quite.”

They were in what seemed to be Sakaar’s throne room, which was very different from the throne room Thor knew. In Asgard, every room was shiny and regal, and his mighty father sat on the empire’s magic throne, which was extra shiny.

Here, things were just weird.

The weirdo-looking man they called the Grandmaster approached. “Well, well, well,” he said. “What do we have here? Two… handsome intruders.” He smiled, gesturing at Thor. “Oh, this one particularly has arms. I mean, obviously he has arms, but he has nice, strong arms. Topaz—“ he turned to his right-hand— “Can we get this delicious man a different model of stock so that we can, uh, see his arms better?”

Topaz’s voice was monotone. “We have only one model of stock, sire.”

“What? That’s ridiculous. We should have a different model, for, you know, beefy prisoners.” He giggled, then snapped at a servant. “Put that on the list.”

“We are sons of Odin, High Emperor of the Asgardian Empire!” said Thor. “And we refuse to be your prisoners!”

“Well, you can’t refuse to be my prisoners,” said the Grandmaster. “Your heads and hands are already stuck in wooden planks.”

“May I suggest there be a slightly taller model of stock as well?” said Loki. “It rather hurts to crouch like this.”

“Taller stocks, got it. I am a benevolent ruler,” said the Grandmaster. “Anyway, you two interrupted my beloved tournament, so you have to be punished.”

Topaz handed to him a large, metal glowing rod.

“What? No, no, not the Melting Stick,” said the Grandmaster. “We don’t use that anymore, remember? We use the fun method now. Sakaar is about fun. Melting…” The Grandmaster made a face. “It’s just disgusting. Get me the Wheel of Misfortune!”

A giant spinning wheel was rolled in, the likes of which Thor has previously seen in Lower Asgard’s Ye Olde Variety Show.

“As you can see, there are many possibilities, like forced drowning with evil mermaids,” said the Grandmaster, “lounging in a hot tub of boiling oil, force-fed to werewolves, turned into a frog by a fairy godmother… oh, and community service, that’s there too. Hey, give it a spin, wouldn’t you?”

Topaz spun the wheel, and the wheel went round and round and round. “Community service, community service,” Thor chanted under his breath.

The wheel slowed down. Thor was sweating.

It landed on the picture of a green, ugly monster.

“Force-fed to ogres it is, then,” said Loki. “Fun.”

“Actually, no,” said the Grandmaster. “That one is actually ‘Retrieve the rumored strong green monster to be the Grandmaster’s new warrior’.”

“Ah, of course.”

“We are not to retrieve anything!” yelled Thor. “We are royalty, not your lackeys!”

“Hm,” hummed the Grandmaster. “Hey, someone get me Scrapper-142.”

A woman emerged from the sides. “Right here, sire.”

“Take care of these two. Make sure they go about their quest right.” The Grandmaster turned away, Topaz trailing behind him. “I better continue my birthday party planning. It’s in like, six moons, geez.”

“All right,” said Scrapper-142, cracking her neck. “Time to go, lads.”

Thor bristled. “Whoever you are, I swear on my father’s beard, my brother and I will take you down.”

Scrapper-142 threw out her hand, and on Thor and Loki’s necks landed small discs that felt laden with magical energy.

“Ow!”

Scrapper raised her other hand and pressed a button on a controller. Instant pain through electric shocks shot through Thor and Loki’s bodies, then finally stopped. There was a burnt after-smell in the air.

Scrapper smirked. “I think you two are ready to be let out of those stocks, now.”

 

 

 

Bruce is a lonely man.

Today marked Day Eight Thousand Four Hundred and Twenty-Three in the tower. Bruce’s modest library in the highest room in the tallest tower of the dragon’s keep held around one thousand and eighty-six books on magic, arithmetic, botany, folklore, and the occasional romance novel for youths.

In his twenty-three years in the tower, Bruce has read and reread all of his books at least five times, and has most of it, especially the sciencey ones, committed to memory. Through various books he has also become a master of Jiu-jitsu, various ancient languages, bowling, and, hypothetically, peeing in bushes, should he ever in his life get the opportunity to go camping.

But Bruce has lost hope in the opportunity to go camping a long time ago. It has been quite a while since read any of the fairy tale books. They were all about princes and princesses being rescued by handsome and beautiful knights… not like any knight was coming to save him. It’s been two decades. He might as well believe that he had a fairy godmother, which of course he didn’t, because if he did she would have saved him from his curse. Only nice, handsome princes like Prince Steve got fairy godmothers who gave them magically strong and hot bods.

Not to mention he was basically an ugly green monster. Throughout the years several tomes of philosophy and self-help have helped him learn to control the beast inside him—or rather, as he has come to accept, the beast that is him. Sometimes, however, his sadness and loneliness would run too high, and when Bruce felt The Other Guy coming he knew to lock himself in the safety room, where he could punch the walls all he wanted.

Those were sad nights.

Bruce had no friends, save for when sometimes a bird would drop by his lone window. Not that any of the birds bothered to stay for long. Bruce never had a sleepover, ever.

Today was a look-wistfully-out-the-window-and-feel-bad-for-yourself day. At his window, watching the far, far away trees sway in the wind, Bruce sighed.

He looked to the sky and squinted. There was a rainbow. Faintly there, but still there. Right, it had rained in the early morning.

Bruce let out a little smile. Despite everything he still had a soft heart. His doubt betrayed itself and for the first time in a while he thought, maybe today something will happen.

 

 

 

After miles of walking, being electrocuted, several instances of Loki whistling the information booth tune, several equal instances of Thor punching Loki in the gut, and several bottles of alcohol downed by Scrapper, the three finally arrived at the dragon’s keep.

Scrapper lifted a wobbly arm at the tall, menacing tower. “That’s the place.”

“How are you not black-out drunk right now?” said Loki.

“‘How are you not black-out drunk right now?’” Scrapper replied in a mimicking tone. She sat down on a rock, pulling out another bottle out of her magic fanny pack. “You boys go ahead, I’ll wait out here.”

“You’re not coming with us?” said Thor.

“No,” Scrapper laughed. “Not in the mood to be fighting dragons right now.”

“I’m sorry, did you just say ‘dragon’?” said Loki.

A loud, ferocious roar coming from the dragon’s keep sounded throughout the area, and Thor and Loki jumped. Plumes of fire blew through the air above the tower.

“Don’t see how my daggers will fare against a dragon, but I suppose it’s worth a try,” said Loki.

“What about me? My hammer is lost,” said Thor. He turned to Scrapper. “Lend me your sword.”

“No way, Your Scruffiness,” said Scrapper. “This sword isn’t for little boys.”

“You expect me to face a dragon with no weapon?” Thor said, indignant and raising his voice.

Scrapper lifted her brows and made a face. “Not my problem.” She lifted her controller and pressed the button, electrocuting the Thor and Loki. She laughed. “That’s always funny.”

“What if this monster isn’t even there?” said Loki. “After all, it’s only a rumor.”

“It does not matter because the Grandmaster told you to do it,” said Scrapper like she was schooling a pair of naughty children. “If it isn’t, then you’ll probably find something else anyway, like treasure or whatever. That dragon’s got to be guarding something, doesn’t it?”

Loki shifted. “I suppose so.”

“That’s right,” said Scrapper, taking a swig. “Now go!”

Groaning, Thor and Loki turned to leave, but before they could reach the rickety bridge leading to the dragon’s keep, they were electrocuted once more.

Behind them, Scrapper laughed. Thor marched on, bristling in anger. Loki huffed.

 

 

 

Another roar.

Bruce groaned. Can’t a prince do his calculations in peace? It was terrible, having a dragon for a neighbor. Worse more that said neighbor didn’t exactly have a door he could knock on and complain to.

“Shhh,” hushed Bruce, trying to focus on his arithmetic. He had two kinds of calculations: science calculations, for trying to figure out the world’s unanswered questions, which he dreamed of someday publishing, if he ever got out of here; and fun calculations, which he did to merely pass the time.

It seemed that loneliness turns people into extreme nerds.

Right now he was working on a big one, about how fairy merchants can take the fastest route between three old oak trees. He thought he was finally making a dent in the problem, but all this dragon-screeching was getting on his poor nerves. Bruce didn’t want The Other Guy making an appearance, not when he was so busy. It was a good time to get some air. Bruce went to his window.

And saw two figures approaching his tower.

 

 

 

There was no dragon in sight.

“Where is it?” said Loki. “A while ago it was just screaming. It should be here.”

Instead of a dragon, the two princes found dusty, crumbling architecture.

“It has to be somewhere here,” said Thor. “You know what I’ve been thinking? Why would a green monster be trapped in a tower? It doesn’t make any sense… if anything, it sounds more like a different kind of story…”

“What, you think we’ll find a princess instead?” said Loki. “I wonder if the Grandmaster would still want her for a warrior.”

“We should split up,” said Thor. “This place is too big and the night is drawing nearer.”

“Fine,” said Loki. “I’ll go this way, and you go that. Keep an eye out for stairs, and call for me if you find anything.”

Thor clasped Loki’s shoulder. “Don’t die, brother.”

With an awkward hand, Loki patted Thor’s. “Same to you. Brother.”

Thor went on. The building was dark and musty, and more than once Thor walked into disgusting cobwebs. He was even shocked once, which he guessed was Scrapper trying to have fun. At one point, he found a snake slithering on the floor, and admired it from afar, remembering the cruel prank his brother set on him when they were children.

Eventually, he came across a spiralling flight of stairs.

Thor smiled to himself. “Looks like I get the princess,” he said, then groaned. “Or monster.”

He climbed the stairs. With every step, he muttered “Princess” and “Monster” to himself, as if he were plucking off petals from a daisy.

“... Princess, monster. Princess, monster. Princess…” Thor arrived at the last step, and in front of him was a door. He smiled a rueful smile. “Monster.”

Thor knocked. There was no answer. He tried to open the door, but it was locked. He knocked it down with a kick.

When the dust settled, Thor saw that there was no princess nor monster. Through the small window of the room the setting sunlight rest on a man about Thor’s age, with perfectly ruffled hair and dreamy, lovely eyes, holding a feather duster and dusting off a bookcase.

The man’s jaw dropped. And so did his feather duster.

“You’re not an ugly troll,” said Thor in awe. “You are a beautiful man.”

The man blinked. “Huh?”

“I mean…” Thor folded his arms, unfolded them, folded them again, leaned one against the doorframe, then finally settled on placing them behind his back. “Hello. My name is Thor, High Prince of Asgard.”

The man’s eyes widened. He fell to his knees. “Your highness!”

Thor sighed. “It feels so nice to be respected. Much better than stocks,” he said. He waved his hand. “Please, stand up. There’s no need for that now.”

The man got up, and scratched the back of his neck. “I don’t know what to say,” he said. “I guess I’ve been waiting for this moment my whole life. Sorry if it’s still a mess, I’ve kinda been on my own for like, twenty-plus years, and I saw you coming so I tried to, uh… clean up. But I guess I should have cleaned myself up first, I must look like a maniac—”

“You look wonderful!” interrupted Thor, taking a bold step closer to the man. “I have known you for mere minutes, and yet I am completely enamored by you. You are more handsome than the most traditionally attractive man. You have the air of a kind, gentle person. Please, I wish to know you. May I know your name?”

The man stuttered. His face was so close to Thor’s, and Thor did not hide his admiration. “My name, my name is, uh—”

“THOR!”

Thor turned at the voice. Loki must be at the foot of the stairs.

“THOR! THOR, THE DRAGON’S HERE!”

“Who is that?” said the beautiful man.

“My bother—I mean brother,” said Thor.

There was a roar.

“Wait, you didn’t slay the dragon yet?” said the man, eyes wide.

“No,” Thor grabbed the man’s wrist. “But we’re about to.” He dragged him down the stairs, running, but halfway the man stopped him.

“Wait!” he said. “My work!”

“Your what?” said Thor.

“My work! My scientific work!” said the man, already jogging back up the stairs. “It’s my life’s work! I can’t leave it behind!”

“But there’s a dragon—!” said Thor, raising his arms in protest. “Fine! I’ll come back for you!”

Thor ran down the rest of the stairs, reaching the bottom. “Loki! Loki, where are you!”

Behind a column Loki’s face appeared. “Here!”

“What are you doing here?” Thor asked, running up to him.

“Hiding.” On Loki’s other side, a row of fire shot through, nearly burning them to a crisp. Then, came the loud, approaching footsteps. Thor and Loki’s eyes widened.

“What are we to do?” said Loki. “The dragon’s coming, and I’ve run out of daggers.”

“It didn’t do anything?”

“Well, it made it angrier at me.”

“Don’t worry!” said Thor. “I found a guy in the tower. He’s very beautiful. We can sneak out of here and bring him to the Grandmaster!”

“No!” Thor and Loki both turned to the voice. It was the man Thor just met running down the stairs, holding a stack of books and papers so tall it covered his face. “We can’t escape unless the dragon is dead, this place is enchanted that way!”

Thor groaned. “Oh, bother.”

At that moment, the two princes were electrocuted. A far-off laugh could be heard.

“Was that a magical instant lightning device?” said the man. “I’ve read about those!”

“I have an idea!” said Thor. He ran off towards the entrance, where he could see Scrapper sitting in the far distance. “Scrapper!” he yelled as loud as he could. He could hear the dragon getting closer. “Hit the button again!”

Loki looked at him frantically. “Wait what are you—”

“Scrapper!”

“ _What!_ ” Scrapper yelled faintly.

“Hit the button!”

Thor watched Scrapper lift her arm in the air, and he was electrocuted once more.

He focused on the current in his veins, yelling with the pain of keeping the electricity inside him. Why didn’t he think of it sooner? He didn’t need his hammer. This was his element. This was his control.

With an ear-splitting roar the dragon appeared in front of him, terrifying yellow eyes and sharp, sharp fangs.

Thor held out his hand and out came the barrage of thunder. Lightning from his hand struck the dragon, and the dragon wailed.

The dragon dropped to the ground. It was fried to a crisp.

Thor breathed heavily, and sunk to his knees. That was a big shot, and took a lot out of him. He heard footsteps, and the beautiful man was kneeling beside him.

“Hey! Are you okay?” said the man.

“Yeah,” Thor replied, giving him a grin. “You never told me your name.”

The man smiled at him. Thor felt fuzzy. “I’m Bruce,” he said.

“Hello, Bruce,” said Thor, still smiling.

Behind them, Loki cleared his throat. His hair was standing up. “You’re not the only one who got shocked, you know.”

Thor laughed. “You complain about everything.”

Scrapper was running towards them, stopping before the dragon. “Woah,” she said. “Nice job, Sparkles.”

“Please don’t call me that. I just slayed a dragon,” said Thor.

Scrapper gave Bruce a once-over. “Hello, little guy,” she said. Then, to Thor: “This all you found?”

“Yes.” Thor put a protective hand around Bruce’s shoulder. “And he’s very nice.”

Scrapper gave him a look. “Sure,” she said. “Anyone fancy some dragon meat for dinner?”

 

 

 

Dragon meat, as it turned out, tasted disgusting.

Scrapper wolfed hers down anyway, as the rest of them watched in weird awe. She wiped her mouth, and motioned to Loki. “You gonna eat that?”

Loki sighed, then smiled a self-deprecating smile, handing to Scrapper his stick of meat. “All yours.”

On the opposite side of the campfire, Bruce held his stack of books and papers very closely behind him. He never made eye contact with anyone, and seemed small, taking up as little space as possible. Thor found it endearing, but also wished Bruce would talk to him.

“You know,” said Thor, “We’re not about to use your books to fuel the fire.”

Bruce gave him a small smile. “Thanks.”

Thor leaned forward, eager to get close. To his delight, Bruce didn’t back away. “What is your work about, anyway?” he asked. “There’s an awful lot of it.”

“Most of it is science, mathematics. Calculations,” said Bruce. “I’m particularly fond of my work on gamma radiation from mushrooms exposed to unicorn tears. Though I haven’t exactly been able to do, uh, field work on that.”

“Why were you in the tower?” asked Thor. “It seems almost like—”

“—A fairytale?” prompted Bruce, raising his brows. “Well, our world is made of fairytales, isn’t it? You just slayed a dragon with lightning magic.”

Thor smiled to himself, and flexed his arm, hoping Bruce was looking. “I try to be a fairytale prince as much as I can.”

“No, you’re more like… an epic hero,” said Bruce. “I suppose I’ve been waiting for a knight in shining armor, after all.”

“I can be your knight,” said Thor. Bruce’s eyes were on his. They were lovely. “I can be good for you.”

Loki cleared his throat.

“So Bruce,” he said, smiling. Thor’s brow furrowed. It was his wicked smile. “Did you know, that when we were children…”

Thor groaned. Loki had caught on his liking for Bruce.

“... I knew he loved Turkish rugs, so one time he was walking through a field and I turned myself into a Turkish rug, and he stepped on me to admire the rug, and I turned back into myself and said ‘Gwah, it’s me!’ and I made Thor fall through a hole and there were spikes and it was fun.”

Bruce was horrified.

“They weren’t lethal spikes,” said Loki.

Thor slapped his face. “Brother, do not embarrass me.”

“You mean in front of your new crush?” said Loki.

“Don’t call it a—” said Thor, “what are we, teenagers? Are we in high school?”

“Boys!” yelled Scrapper. “Settle down.”

“I’m sorry your brother let you fall into a spike pit,” Bruce whispered to Thor.

“It’s all right,” replied Thor. “I got used to it eventually.”

“We need to discuss our plan,” said Scrapper. She gestured at Bruce. “So is this what we’re bringing to the Grandmaster?”

“No,” said Thor, resolved. “We’re not bringing him to the Grandmaster. He wanted a green monster, and there is none.”

Bruce was pale, eyes wide with terror. Ah, he was so timid, thought Thor. “Why would someone want… a green monster?” said Bruce.

“The grandmaster collects warriors for his tournament,” said Scrapper.

“He’s a little…” Loki twirled his finger round his forehead, and whistled.

Bruce was silent. “Okay,” he said in a small voice. “All right.”

Thor tried to hold more conversation with him, but Bruce remained standoffish for the rest of the night. He went to sleep bothered, wondering why.

 

 

 

Thor rose with the sun.

Everyone else was still asleep but Bruce. He was sitting cross-legged and watching over the hills, seeing the sun float into the sky.

Thor approached him. “Good morning,” he said.

“I don’t remember seeing this anymore,” Bruce said quietly. “My tower was facing the west. It’s beautiful.”

Thor’s heart saddened. This man had not seen a sunrise in years.

“Well, you’re going to see a lot more of it from now on,” Thor said, sitting beside him and giving him a smile.

“That’s a nice thought,” said Bruce. For a while they sat in silence, watching the sky turn blue. “You know, this thing between us… it isn’t going to work.”

Thor blinked. “What?”

“I’m…” Bruce started, “I’m dangerous. I could hurt you.”

Thor laughed. “How could you hurt me? I’m the strongest man in the land.”

Bruce shook his head. “There’s a lot you don’t know.”

Thor had the feeling that Bruce did not wish to talk about it further, and so he did not push. He was content sitting beside him, the sun bobbing up in the clouds before them.

 

 

 

In their journey back to Sakaar, Thor remained determined to win Bruce’s heart.

“So, Bruce,” said Thor, walking slowly as to march beside him. He was also carrying Bruce’s work for him, in a makeshift rucksack. “What are your aspirations? Your dreams?”

Bruce looked thrown off by the question. “Well, uh,” he said, “I guess I want to study. It would be great to earn some PhDs. Maybe seven. Seven’s a nice number.”

“You’ll get those seven PhDs,” Thor said. “You’re smart, kind, handsome. You can do anything!”

Bruce’s ears were red. “Thank you,” he said. “Oh, well, there’s also…”

“Yes?”

Bruce bit the side of his cheek. He was even redder now. “Thor, have you ever been to prom?”

“Prom? No,” said Thor. “Balls and the like, yes, but not prom. I was educated in the palace by royal tutors.”

“Oh,” said Bruce. He sounded disappointed. “Well, I’ve read about prom. I pretty much missed mine, because of the… tower situation. I don’t think I’d be very fond of social events, but the idea of spending a magical evening with someone special seems… nice.”

“Someone special,” said Thor, his heart lightening at the words.

“Of course, it’s a shame I’ll never get to experience that, with my condition and all,” Bruce muttered. Hearing that, Thor’s hopes wilted.

He stopped in front of Bruce. “Listen, you keep talking about this thing really mysteriously, and I’m really concerned, so I just want you to know you can tell me anythi—”

And he was electrocuted.

“Thor!” said Bruce, eyes alarmed.

“Stop flirting,” said Scrapper in front of them. “Keep an eye out. There are thieves and such out here.”

“Why me, too?” said Loki. There was a slight smoke to him.

Scrapper only chuckled. “You’re so whiny. But seriously, watch out for—”

An arrow pierced the tree beside Bruce.

“Thieves!” shouted Thor.

More arrows flew, as well as daggers. There was an archer in the trees, and a red-haired woman on the ground. “Stay down!” yelled Thor, pushing Bruce to the ground. With the sound of striking metal, Scrapper drew her sword.

Thor’s eyes widened. “That’s—”

“None of your business,” said Scrapper, and charged at the woman.

The woman dodged, and Scrapper thrust her sword into a tree. The woman threw a swift kick at Scrapper’s gut, sending her flying against another tree, and stole Scrapper’s sword.

“Hey—!” said Scrapper.

Thor stormed towards the woman, roaring. He felt the lightning in his fingertips; raising his hand to her, he—

—Was shot in the chest by an arrow.

His lightning faded. Thor fell to the ground, pulling the arrow out of his chest.

“No!” yelled Bruce.

“Bruce, I’m okay—” Thor tried to say, but Bruce was running towards the woman.

Running towards the woman and growing in size. Particularly muscle mass. And turning… green?

“Bruce?” said Thor in a small voice.

The man he knew was gone; he was replaced by a green, hulking giant. The monster—no, not a monster—turned his head back to Thor. He had Bruce’s face. He was still Bruce.

The giant stomped towards the woman, making the ground shake. The woman trembled before him, eyes wide. The giant let out a mighty roar, and all the birds and animals in the forest flew and ran out in a terrified hurry.

The woman dropped the sword. “Okay, not worth it,” she said. “Clint!”

The archer shot an arrow towards him, but the giant caught it before it could hit him. He roared at the archer.

“Oh shit,” said the archer, and he jumped to another tree, running away.

The woman was also nowhere to be seen. Scrapper’s sword clattered to the ground.

All was quiet. Scrapper stayed where she was, pinned to the tree. Thor looked up at the giant in awe, and approached him with careful steps.

The giant backed away from him, covering his face with his big hands, whimpering.

“No, shh, shh, it’s okay,” said Thor in his most calming voice, letting out a steady hand. “I know it’s you, Bruce. I’m not scared of you.”

“Hulk strong!” said the giant, pointing to himself. “Hulk smash everything!”

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” said Thor. He stepped closer. “You can be better than that… Hulk. I know you can.”

Hulk looked at him, and Thor saw Bruce’s face. Despite his size, despite his strength, Thor saw Bruce’s softness.

“Look at you,” said Thor, reaching out to cup Hulk’s face. “You’re not an ugly troll. You’re a handsome troll.”

Hulk’s breathing was calm now.

“That’s it, big man,” said Thor. “Come back now, Bruce. Come back to me.”

Thor watched Hulk size down, his skin returning to his normal olive. He caught Bruce before he could fall to the ground.

“Thor? What happened…” said Bruce, quite sleepily. “Oh, no, my clothes…”

“It’s fine. You’re rather dashing.”

“I hulked out.”

“You did.”

“I… I usually don’t share memories with him but I… I remember your voice.” Bruce looked at Thor with shining eyes.

“Yes?” Thor said, inching his face closer.

“Did you call him handsome?” asked Bruce, face scrunched up in confusion.

“You. I called you handsome,” said Thor.

Bruce looked at him, then laughed, leaning his head into Thor’s shoulder. “You’re a weirdo, Thor.”

There was a rustle from the bushes. Loki emerged gingerly. “Is it safe now?”

Thor gave him a look. “You could’ve helped.”

Loki scoffed. “I was collecting these.” He showed them an armful of red flowers with blue thorns.

“Wounds!” exclaimed Bruce. “Thor’s wounded! We have to help him!” He observed Loki’s flowers. “Yes, this is perfect. Thank you, Loki.”

Loki was stunned at being thanked. “You’re… welcome.”

“I’m hurt, too,” said Scrapper.

Clutching his wound, Thor picked up Scrapper’s sword and threw it at her feet.

“Did you steal this?” he demanded.

“No, Your Highness,” said Scrapper, venom in her voice. She lifted her arm and removed her gauntlet, revealing her mark.

“Valkyrie,” said Thor, taking a step back.

“It’s a long story,” said Scrapper, sighing, “but my name is Brunnhilde. Nice to meet you.”

“Thor, save it for later,” said Bruce putting a hand on Thor’s shoulder. “You’re hurt. You need to rest.”

Thor rested his hand on Bruce’s, and smiled. “Yes, of course.”

 

 

 

They were out of the forest and in a sunflower field now. No thieves around.

Thor loved the image of Bruce among the flowers. His smile was so soft it hurt his heart. It helped that he was also still shirtless, with only his pants remaining intact after becoming Hulk.

“I think sunflowers are my favorite flower,” said Bruce.

Thor laughed. Then winced at the pain in his chest. Bruce moved immediately.

“Thor, be careful.” His face was full of concern.

“Sorry. You’re just so endearing,” said Thor.

Bruce smiled again, face red. “Stop it.”

“Yeah, stop it,” said Loki. “It’s disgusting.”

“Be quiet,” said Thor, not taking his eyes off Bruce’s face.

“You know,” Brunnhilde said to Bruce, lightly hitting his shoulder, “I like you, little guy. You saved our asses back there.”

Bruce was sheepish. “I mean, technically it wasn’t me.”

“Doesn’t matter,” said Brunnhilde. “You’ve got my respect.”

“Cool,” said Bruce.

“Hey, can I have a moment with Bruce?” asked Thor.

Brunnhilde raised a brow. “Fine. Only this once,” she said, and pulled Loki by ear. “Come on, punk.”

“You’re hurting me!”

They left. Thor and Bruce were alone. The sun was setting, and the sky was orange. The warm light made Bruce look stunning, thought Thor. How lucky he was in this moment.

“I want you to know,” said Thor, “that I am still fond of you, and I am fond of your other side as well.”

“We’ve known each other for a day,” said Bruce.

“So give me the chance to know you,” said Thor. He clasped Bruce’s hand with earnest eyes. “I’ve known you for a day and already I adore you. What more if I’ve known you for a year? A decade?”

“Thor—”

“Give me the chance,” pleaded Thor. “Please, I—I may be wrong, but I think you feel the same.”

Bruce smiled, and leaned forward to press a gentle kiss to his forehead. “I do.”

 

 

 

The Grandmaster was not impressed.

“Where’s my monster?” he asked.

The four fidgeted.

“There was no monster,” said Loki. He was the best at lying. “The rumor was false.”

The Grandmaster hummed. “This is a handsome fellow, though. I like your chest hair,” he said, looking at Bruce. Bruce turned to Thor, wide-eyed and confused. “Hey, wanna join me Thursday night at Zorbo’s Den?”

“Uh,” said Bruce. “No thanks.”

“Hm,” said the Grandmaster. “Shame.”

“We slayed the dragon, though!” said Thor. “Here, we present its head.”

He motioned for Brunnhilde to step forward. She opened her magic fanny pack and rustled through it. “Hold on, it’s here somewhere,” she said. Brunnhilde reached in further, throwing out various flasks and bottles, almost hitting Thor, who was not amused. “A-ha!” She pulled out a giant, disgusting dragon head by the horns. One of the Grandmaster’s court ladies fainted.

“Gross, yet interesting,” said the Grandmaster, steepling his fingers. “Put it in my collection. It’ll be a nice addition. Make sure it’s next to the rainbow pegasus wings.”

Some servants took the dragon head away.

“So…” prompted Thor, “can we go home now?”

The Grandmaster scrunched up his nose. “Uh, where?”

“Can we go home,” repeated Thor. “To Asgard.”

“Is that where you’re from?” said the Grandmaster, looking Thor up and down. He chuckled. “No wonder your butt is so… perky.” He chuckled again. Thor pulled his tunic down, conscious of himself now. “I guess the dragon head is enough for your punishment. You are now pardoned!” He waved a hand and the electric discs on Thor and Loki’s necks dropped to the floor. “Someone get the local witch to make a portal to Asgard.”

Thor turned to Brunnhilde. “Join us,” he said. “You can come home.”

Brunnhilde shrugged. “All my friends are dead.”

“Well,” he said, “you have new friends now.”

Loki huffed. “I’m not about to be friends with a woman who kept shocking me.”

“Loki,” said Thor through gritted teeth.

Brunnhilde shifted her weight on one foot. “I suppose it would be nice to… come home,” she said. “Drink some Asgardian beer for once.”

Thor clapped her shoulder. “Glad you’re coming,” he said, and smiled. Brunnhilde smiled back.

He approached Bruce. “You’re coming too, right?”

“As long as we don’t visit my dad, because I think I might murder him,” said Bruce.

Thor laughed and lifted Bruce into the air easily, spinning the both of them in joy. “We can travel the world! You can study everything!” He was so happy, and Bruce looked happy, too. “We can go to prom!”

“Yeah... “ said Bruce. “Prom!”

Thor settled him down. “We can start our own fairy tale.”

“With a happily ever after?”

“But of course.”

Bruce smiled, and gave him a soft, sweet kiss on the lips. “I’d like that.”

Thor, Bruce, Loki, and Valkyrie walked to through the magic portal that led to home. Thor and Bruce held hands all the way, smiling and smiling and smiling.


End file.
